When you have a chance to tell your story – do you take it?
What story would you tell me if you had that opportunity?
What do you wish people could know about you?
We all have stories. We have true stories and stories we believe to be true. When I sit down to write, every story of my life starts swirling around, pushing and shoving for a chance to get out of my head and be free – to be heard! These stories clamor to be told, thousands and thousands of them all shouting, “Tell me! Tell me!” So, I am here, with my hands on the keyboard waiting for them to spill out my fingertips onto the page, but instead they stall, backing away from their chance for freedom and receding back to the safety of my mind. It takes discipline to wait for one to get the courage to venture back out. I see it and coax, “Where do we start?”
The infamous “they” say to start at the beginning and go from there, but what beginning? I’ve had lots of beginnings. Birth is a beginning for us all. I was very fortunate to have a good beginning in that I was wanted and I was loved. The very best of beginnings right? But, somewhere along the way, I got the notion that I wasn’t wanted and I wasn’t loved. When and where was that beginning?
Sometimes, I’m just like the stories in my head – I want to be heard, to express myself in a meaningful way, but when I am given a chance, I retreat.
What makes us afraid? How is it I can believe something at one point and completely doubt it at another? Is it possible that truth changes? It seems everyone today claims their own truth. Logically though, it couldn’t be truth if it’s different for every person. To be true, it must be unchangeable. But, it’s also vast and we only see pieces of it. It’s not truth that changes, but our perceptions and/or perspectives of it that do.
What do you see?
You might have heard the story of the blind men and the elephant. In this story, a group of blind men are asked to describe an elephant. They each touch different parts of the elephant and, not knowing what an elephant is like, they describe their encounter with the animal. One man touches the elephant’s side and claims that the elephant is like a wall, another touches its leg and insists the elephant is like a tree, while the other blind men touch the tusks, the trunk, an ear, and the tail and believe that the elephant is like a spear, a snake, a fan, and a rope respectively. Based on their personal experience, these men are convinced their views are correct. Interestingly, they are, but completely wrong at the same time.
I relate to this story. A lot of my years were spent living in “Survival Mode.” You might have visited there as well, even if you didn’t actually move in like I did. During those times in my life, I believed very strongly that if I had any choices at all, they were limited.
When you are in survival mode you feel utterly alone and helpless
It’s almost comical really when I look back at some of the things I did in Survival Mode. Indulge me while I share one embarrassingly typical example.
As much sense at it makes, this story could start out with “One Dark Day in the Middle of the Night.” One morning as I was getting ready for work I bumped the shelf above the toilet and knocked off a little vase that was sitting on it.
You must picture this vase to really appreciate it’s impact. It was small, only six inches tall and one inch wide. It was pink and dainty, made of ceramic, with delicate roses carved along its sides. It was also old, having belonged to my grandmother. Apparently, they don’t make ceramic like they used to because when it fell, instead shattering, that dainty little pink bit of ceramic broke the toilet! Not a little crack on the lid of the tank either. No, this little ninja vase hit the side of the toilet bowl, causing an 18-inch fissure that immediately started spewing all over the floor.
After the initial shock of what happened, my adrenalin kicked in. I fought my way to the water shut off valve, after which I was grabbing towels, blankets and dirty laundry to soak up the torrents of water pouring onto the floor. You have no idea how much water a toilet can hold until it’s not holding it!
IN SURVIVAL MODE YOU ARE HELPLESS
What did I do then? I turned around, shut the bathroom door firmly behind me, packed the kids in the car and went to work. That spewing toilet was there at the back of my mind all day flooding my body with anxiety like the bowl had flooded the floor. I dreaded going home. Once there, I remember willing myself to walk into that room and face the mess. Standing atop soggy fabrics of various kinds, I stared at the horrific scene, trying to make myself comprehend it. The vase was still there, undamaged.
It was impossible for me in that moment to laugh at the irony. All I could think of was, “Now what? How are six people going to get by without the one and only commode in the house?
Can’t I just duct Tape It?
Unfortunately, fixing the toilet wasn’t an option I thought I had. However, in my desperation, I got creative. Having had the whole day to drain, the toilet was dry (not so the floor) so I got out the Duck Tape and “mended” the gash. I then gave the kids old enough to understand a “lesson” on how to turn on and off the water valve followed by strict instructions about turning the water off after each use. The littler ones were told to ask mama for help when they had to go. For the next several weeks, our time in that room was carefully spent.
One day, my brother stopped in and while there went in to use the restroom. I was mortified – but he was laughing. After seeing my DIY fix, he went right out, bought a new toilet and installed it for me!
Do you find yourself rolling your eyes at the idiocy of this? Or do you have your own Duck Tape story?
The thing is, I wasn’t in a place to see choices. For me, they didn’t exist. I felt alone and isolated, embarrassed at being so pathetic. It was too good a story for my brother not to tell, so I had to learn to joke about it, but I always felt the joke was on me.
I look back at myself then and feel so sorry for that girl! On the other hand, I’m kind of proud of her ingenuity in problem-solving the situation.
A new belief starts with a change in perspective
Examine yourselves as to whether you are in the faith. Test yourselves…
21 Corinthians 13:5
I’ve worked at examining my beliefs and creating new ones. Changing a belief can be hard. It can also be as easy as just taking a step back, or to the side, to see if from a different angle.
I took an art class years ago and we were supposed to draw from a reference picture that was upside down. The point is to force you to look at the subject from a different perspective, getting you to notice the relationship between positive and negative spaces. When you draw a face for example, it takes away the distraction of trying to get the “likeness,” and forces you to look at proportion and placement.
I really struggled with this exercise at first. It felt very awkward. I wanted to see the picture, not the shapes. Viewing it upside down interfered with my connection to it. I was constantly turning to the paper around to critique if I was doing it right.
Later in life I took a class in photography (old style with black and white film). That class was a catalyst in learning to see things differently. I came to understand how important the time we spend in the dark really is. A negative is changed to a positive by being exposed to light, but without the negative first, you’ll never have a picture – and the negative is always made in the dark. How deep is that?
Are you a mule or a horse
There is a lot of talk these days about “finding yourself,” “knowing your why,” following your passion.” I have learned that you can never really find or know yourself until you find God and he carefully reveals you to yourself. He is the light that transforms our negative selves into works of art. Luckily, he is wise enough to expose us to his light a little at a time because if he showed us everything at once, we’d freak.
“I will instruct thee and teach thee in the way which thou shalt go; I will guide thee with mine eye. Be ye not as the horse or the mule, which have no understanding; whose mouth must be held with a bit and bridle or they will not come to you.”
Psalms 32:8-9
I’ve been like the horse or the mule with a bit and a bridle – struggling and pulling away, The challenge is to cling to the promise God made to “instruct and teach” the way I should go.
I don’t know who said it, but there is a quote, “The one who falls and gets up is much stronger than the one who never fell.” I’m getting stronger after all the getting back up I’ve had to do.
Gaining new perspective is so important. God wants us to be joyful, but if we’re not able to see something he’s holding out in front of us because we’re like those blind men convinced what we “see” right now is the whole truth, then what is he to do with us?
Start with small and simple steps
I have gained a vantage point by actively working on changing my view-point, especially when I feel self-criticism. I’ve learned a few tricks along the way to help me gain new perspectives. Here is a short list, placed in no particular order. I hope these might be a help to you as well.
• Commit to doing one thing differently – something out of the norm for you. For me, this usually is taking a class. It could be planning a garden spot or cleaning out one drawer. Just getting up and walking back and forth is enough sometimes. The important thing is to physically move your body from one space to another.
• Look up. This is especially beneficial if you can do it outside in the sun. You might be surprised how the simple act of looking up will affect your mood and even your thoughts. It’s also kind of fun to see how people react to someone looking up. In today’s digital world, with everyone staring at their phones all day, almost everyone is looking down most all the time, so seeing someone looking up peaks curiosity! There is actually quite a bit of science around the benefits of simply tilting your head back and gazing upwards (which is a topic for another time), but think of it as a silent prayer to the heavens for answers. One more benefit of looking up is that it makes it hard to look sideways at the same time, which is where our focus is when we compare ourselves to others (again a topic for another day).
• Introduce yourself in the mirror. This might sound crazy, but it’s a great way to show up for yourself. Pretend you don’t know anything about yourself (most of us really don’t anyway) and you want that person in the glass to really like you. Get creative with how you do it (try being formal, like you’re introducing royalty). If you’re one who can’t face the mirror, then introduce yourself to a child: “Hi, I’d like you to meet . You know, she’s more than a mommy, she’s.” You get the idea.
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• Treat yourself like a child. Recognize your basic needs and try to meet them. Are you hungry? Have you been able to enjoy a hot shower or a bath lately? Exhausted and in need of sleep? These things aren’t always easy to fit into the day, but acknowledging the needs and trying to meet them whenever possible goes a long way toward a “new lease on life.”
In Conclusion
What stories are in your head? Are you in need of some new beginnings in your life? Do you want to find a little of that joy God said we were made for? Are you stuck wandering down the dim streets of Survival Mode and can you dream of a better place? If you are, I am reaching out to you.