Have you ever been blindsided by a situation? Do you have that anxious feeling in your gut that says things are not right. Or maybe you feel completely numb. These could be signs you are in Survival Mode.
Survival Mode is more than a state of mind – it is a place. Like any city or town, you can pass by it, traverse through it, or ultimately move into it. I think of this place like Gotham City – a dark, overcast, dim place. Its inhabitants don’t get much sun. There are some places of learning within its boundaries, but it is not a place to buy real estate.
It’s a big enough place that just about everyone spends some time there, which isn’t necessarily a bad thing. Our visits there cause us to stretch and think outside the box for solutions in our lives. However, lingering too long in SM can have some serious consequences.
In SM you feel stuck. Where choice A and choice B (if there is a choice B) are both negative. There are no clearly marked boundaries; no signs that say, “Welcome to Survival Mode – the City of Experience” or exit signs that say, “You are now leaving Survival Mode, Come again soon!”
You might not know how you got there, but almost everyone knows intuitively when they are within its walls. If you’re not sure, here are a few signs you might be there.
• You’re constantly grumpy and reactive. People walk on eggshells around you. You snap at the smallest things.
• You’re not eating for nourishment. You either have uncontrollable cravings and your body wants to be comforted with addictive junk foods as a form of self-medicating, or you forget or are too exhausted to eat at all.
• You’re forgetful and lack focus. Your emotions and brain are overloaded. Facts, like where you put your purse are too much to process.
• Your main emotion is apathy. A shoulder shrug and “Meh” is your answer to “how was your day?” Even seeing your child “drawing” with honey on the kitchen floor can’t excite you.
• Your basic needs are overlooked. You have zero time for yourself.
• You make impulse decisions, without taking time to think things through.
• You’re tired. This is profound fatigue, “bone deep.” If you sleep at all, it isn’t restful.
• You’re experiencing a compromised immune system. You find yourself succumbing to every bug that passes by in the wind.
• You are just going through the motions of daily life. There is no purpose in your day except to get through it.
If you can answer “yes, that’s me” to any, a few, or even all of these things you are definitely in Survival Mode. While there are valuable life lessons that come from our time in SM, it is a dangerous place to linger. Too much time there can cause chronic illnesses, mental or physical, and it can ruin relationships. All of the symptoms above are your body’s way of telling you a change is needed. Like a toothache can mean a trip to the dentist and facing some short-term pain, you can take action to get out of SM by drilling out what needs to change and filling the cavity with actions that enhance joy.
Thanks to Pinterest – unknown contributor
If you recognize you are in Survival Mode, you need to take action and get out. Staying there too long can cause all kids of havoc in life. SM is powerful and like a drug, can cause mental and physical damage if not taken as intended. (More on that to come!)
Getting out of Survival Mode starts with this two-step process:
This might sound over-simplified. Believe me, it isn’t. It’s work! The good news is you’re capable of doing that work. The bad news is, YOU are the only one who can do this work. You can’t hire it out. Once you completely own it, you are well on your way to better things.
So, now what? In battling my way through my Stuck Mindset or Survival Mode, here are a few actions I’ve tried and found useful I hope you’ll find these helpful as well.
Get a new perspective. You are a Courageous Survivor and not damaged goods.
My grace is sufficient for you, for my strength is made perfect in weakness.
2 Corinthians 12:9
We are all weak, but we have a promise that is unique. Have you ever considered the above scripture and realized that in our weaknesses, we are actually helping God gain His strength? How this is accomplished is something to ponder.
The next line of that scripture states, “Therefore most gladly I will rather boast in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me.” Have you ever even considered that your weaknesses (infirmities) are a tool to gaining the power of Christ? This power resting upon us is what helps us through.
This is amazing! It implies a partnership between us and God himself; he helps us and he get stronger. Uniquely, as he gets stronger – we gain power. Power to do what? Overcome our problems, negative situations and troubles.
It does take courage to recognize our weakness, courage to ask for the help we need, and courage to take the action required to change things. Remember, courage is the willingness to do things even when afraid. So, even if you’re afraid, grab hold of the hope!
What if I want this hope, but I don’t feel it yet. What can I do to begin to believe?
Involve all your senses in the process. Let’s explore.
Sight. See the affirmations and keep them in front of you. You can use the scripture above or the phrase, “I am a courageous survivor,” or any other saying you feel inspired to use. Just be sure to use positive words that reinforce the new idea, not words that further imprint the old useless one. Call it your “affirmation of hope” and attach it to your mirror, to the fridge, to your bedroom door, or put it on your phone. Anywhere you are sure to see it often throughout the day.
Touch. Our fingers are not the only part of our bodies that touch. Our entire body is a tool wired with touch receptors. Any change we want to manifest in our lives requires movement and movement will activate those receptors. One of the first things are bodies do when sick, either emotionally or physically, is restrict movement. Immobilization dulls pain and makes us feel disconnected. It also slows metabolism. Some doctors speculate this aids in healing severe illnesses. But, is your body severely ill and do you really want to have you metabolism slowed? If not, then be willing to force yourself to move. Notice how you are standing. If you feel in a slump, roll your shoulders back and “un-slump” your body. If you feel “down” force yourself to look up. Defy the feelings you want changed by moving your body in the opposite direction. Walk, dance, bike, play with your kids on the floor. Exercise is a very effective hormone balancing/stress relieving coping mechanism.
Another way to utilize both touch and sight is to write. Using a pen and paper, white in long hand the belief you want to claim. Have you ever seen the example of the school teacher who punishes bad behavior by making the student write 100 times on the blackboard a sentence that will reinforce a good behavior? DO THIS. For example, write 100 times on paper “My spirit is calm and I am capable of receiving all that I need.” Try using different colored pens, which will help the brain process the words faster. Ask yourself “What do I love?” and for 5 minutes scribble a messy list of anything that comes to mind. There doesn’t have to be any sense or order to the list. If you want to organize it later you can. Identifying what you love will really help halt the miseries. Keep this list for future reference when you need inspiration on what more you can do?
Hear. Listen to music. Ever heard that “music calms the savage beast”? Music has the power to heal all sorts of emotions. If you need calm in your life, play calming music. If you need to be inspired or uplifted, there is a tune for that. Utilize this powerful tool in releasing the emotions that need to be let go of and feeding the emotions you want to be filled with.
Read. We can hear from people we’ve never met and from even those who are beyond this life by reading their words. What can you learn from them that you can apply to your life?
Ask curiosity-based questions and listen to the answers. Ask God, ask yourself, ask your friends, ask Google. A great question to ask is “What would make me feel like I am living my life to the fullest?”
Listen to your what your body and emotions are telling you? Are you hungry? Tired? Angry, sad, or scared? Is there a personal need that has been neglected and can be attended to?
Smell. We may not realize it, but smell is very important for our emotions. In the studies about the brain’s anatomy, it was found the parts of the brain where smell is processed and the regions of the brain responsible for processing emotions and memories are intertwined. Smells allow us to feel a sense of contentment, peace, or even bring us to an alert. Just like a baby who is calmed by having something nearby with the familiar smell of her mother, we can foster a sense of safety and comfort if we can identify a smell that invokes that in us.
Diffuse essential oils. For example, citrus scents act as mood enhancer, often referred to as “liquid sunshine.”
Air out your space by opening a window and allowing the smell of nature to enter your space. This is a very therapeutic technique as clearing the air can also clear the mind.
Taste. Another sense we might not associate with our moods is taste. Sweet, savory and salty foods set off a rush of brain activity that deeply influences moods, emotions and memories. Taste is also expressed in more than what we put in our mouths. It is an expression of good quality or enjoyment. Saying you have acquired a taste for travel or someone shows good taste in furniture for example. If something bad taste, whether it be a food or an experience, we have a very different response. Bitter tastes act as a powerful safeguard against eating potentially dangerous foods or situations.
Cook something you love. Allow yourself to try one new thing this week and discover if you like it or not.
Ask yourself what your personal tastes are in style, in people, in culture?
When you have had a taste of excellence, you cannot go back to mediocrity.
Maximillian Degenerez
Intuition. Trust your gut.
Get in touch with your “values.” What things do you believe are important in how you live. What are your standards? If you value honesty, you will not lie for example.
Ask yourself how your current situation and actions or reactions are contributing to your own value system. Be willing to be face the accusations your mind will throw at you in how you’re not living up to your values. Remember again, this is not a time to go into self-judgement. It’s all part of the gathering of information to make your self-awareness more complete. How can you get yourself more in alignment with your values?
What brings you genuine joy? Can you identify a time when you felt truly content with your life? If so, what was that like and what were the circumstances?
Meeting our social needs is also extremely valuable. Create a time and a place for spending time with people. Go out for lunch with a friend, walk to the park and strike up a conversation with a stranger, or call someone you are thinking about. Personal interaction is preferable, but at the very least, interact on-line. Other people can help us gain perspective and keep us grounded. Women especially need interaction and support and we can be that for each other.
Make the doing part of the process a game. The more actions you take in a day, the more points you can give yourself. Reward yourself for your efforts from time to time. If you make this a game, then I would offer this one rule, be kind to yourself! Blaming yourself for having a problem, or having been in a Stuck Mindset, does not define who you are. There is no shame in it. In fact, shame is not a helpful tool – you can throw that one out!
With work, you most definitely can get out of Survival Mode! For some, especially those who have not experienced much outside its walls, it might take a little more effort, but it is possible! Remember, you’re not alone. God promised His help, so ask Him for it. He has also gifted us with incredible bodies that are built with automated response systems that will adapt themselves to our efforts until we find ourselves actually experiencing joy.
I look forward to hearing your stories Beyond Survival!